INT. BARNES & NOBLE – SELF-HELP SECTION – DAY

June 20, 2007

We’re in the self-help section, looking for things on, you know, “How to stop hating everything”.

NAOMI
What about this one?

ELANA
“Why Your Life Sucks”? Really?

NAOMI
It’s just being honest.

Two UCLA-student types, a boy and a girl, approach. They do so in that shy and dawdling way that either means that they’re embarrassed, or that they’re trying to smuggle pizza into a movie theater. For instance.

We look at each other, wondering why these kids are casing the joint.

NAOMI
…oh.

ELANA
What?

Naomi indicates a sign nearby:

SEX & EROTICA

ELANA
…Oh.

The UCLA kids shuffle their feet and elbow each other, trying to pretend that they’re not looking at the books. We watch the free entertainment with unholy glee.

UCLA GUY
Um.

UCLA GIRL
(gesturing with her chin)
It’s right there. Just—get it already.

UCLA GUY
I don’t know, Jenna—

UCLA GIRL
Come on, Mike! I came with you, like we agreed. It’s time for you to hold up your end of the deal…

Mike, one of those pleasant-but-not-too-bright-looking frat guys, shifts from foot to flip-flopped-foot. Gingerly, he reaches for a book.

UCLA GUY
Fine.

UCLA GIRL
Fine!

They head for the register, hiding the book in between them.

We immediately check out the now-empty space, between two other copies of I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING DOWN THERE, BUT IT’S TOTALLY UNHELPFUL: A REMEDIAL GUIDE FOR MEN.

ELANA
Why do you think Mike didn’t just get it from Amazon? Where no one can judge you for being terrible at it?

NAOMI
Maybe he was so terrible Jenna just couldn’t wait for the overnight shipping?

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