FACT: Mona Lisa has trouble concentrating.
June 27, 2007
There’s an ad at the top of the little AIM thing right now. It’s a picture of– oh, HERE:
Mona Lisa…? Because I guess her famous secretive half-smile is code for WHOO HOO I AM FUCKIN’ STRUNG OUT ON MY KID’S ADDERALL, Y’ALL! I guess?
The screener link goes to Strattera.com, so you know they have your best interests at heart in a totally unbiased way. And then it asks you the following questions:
How often do you have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project, once the challenging parts have been done?
Answer: Often. Diagnosis: You are lazy.
How often do you have difficulty getting things in order when you have to do a task that requires organization?
Answer: Often. Diagnosis: You are disorganized. And lazy.
How often do you have problems remembering appointments or obligations?
Answer: Often. Diagnosis: You don’t really care about your “friend” Steve and honestly could give a fuck about his pirate-themed birthday party.
When you have a task that requires a lot of thought, how often do you avoid or delay getting started?
Answer: Often. Diagnosis: You hate your job.
How often do you fidget or squirm with your hands or your feet when you have to sit down for a long time?
Answer: Often. Diagnosis: You are four years old.
How often do you feel overly active and compelled to do things, like you were driven by a motor?
Answer: Often. Diagnosis: You have been doing a lot of cocaine.
(I made the parts in italics up, obviously.)