I did not expect this.

July 6, 2007

Today, I tried to buy a slip. You know, those dorky nylon-y underdresses your grandmama wore? I was looking for one because I felt like it would make it okay to wear this light-colored dress I have. THAT’S ALL. I was just trying to be MODEST.

1) No one sells slips. There’s one store in LA. (The Macy’s at the Westfield Pavilion or whatever it’s called.) I discovered this by calling what I felt sure was the dorkiest, most-likely-to-stock-slips store in Los Angeles: the JC Penney at the Fox Hills mall.

“HAH,” the girl on the phone said. “We don’t have that no more! Like, slips like old ladies wear?”

“…yes,” I said. “Just so!”

“No,” the girl said. “But you can order ’em from Sears. You get the catalog?”

2) At Macy’s, I found a lady employee in the undergarments area, and asked her where the slips were, and she was Russian, and barely understood me, and then totally went “Heh. Really?” when I explained that I needed a dorky nylon underdress. The Russian lady was very stylish and bosomy and wearing a dashingly low-cut blouse.

3) As I was wandering around looking at dorky nylon underdresses, the glamorous Russian lady was helping a woman who was approximately 114. She was helping her find bras in her size.

Sexy bras.

“That’s too much bra for me!” The elderly lady kept saying, loudly, and the Russian would show her something skimpier. At first I thought for sure I had misunderstood this, so I stood around with my selected dorky nylon underdress and watched as the Russian lady worked out that what the elderly lady wanted was something in purple lace.

3) The men’s room required men to walk through the lingerie section. Not even the wholesome cotton part. The sexy married ladies part. I watched a man do this. It was pretty entertaining, what with the red ears and the staring straight ahead.

4) When I came home, I looked for slips on the internet. I kind of wish I hadn’t, because I have now discovered that quite a lot of people on the internet who are involved in the selling of slips think you are a drag queen, or into forced cross-dressing, or would like to purchase a slip they have been wearing for a while, or are interested in their slip-based erotic photography.

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