Betrayed by Netflix!

July 17, 2007

I watched this movie, recently: Three Came Home. It’s the allegedly gripping story of an American woman who ended up in a Japanese prison camp during WWII. And her English husband with an American accent. And their son, who was a bad actor.

The reason I got this movie was that Netflix told me to. PEOPLE LIKE YOU ALSO ENJOYED THIS, it said, and I believed it. LIKE A FOOL.

Three Came Home is a movie from 1950, set in the midst of the war. Agnes Keith is an American writer of books that express “a great understanding of the Orientals” (…oh dear.) She’s married to an English colonial middle manager who enjoys oppressing the natives with his superior English understanding of how things ought to work. Together with their son, they live in a little English enclave in Malaysia. Or something.

Agnes’ husband has an American accent. As does her English son. As do all the other English wives. Agnes hopes to have another baby. There’s a lot of casual pregnant smoking. Whenever the colonial husbands are standing around having earnest discussions of where the Japs are at, they highlight their inner turmoil by lighting their pipes.

Agnes and her husband lounge on the veranda, and her husband presses closed-lipped kisses to her temple, and then says: “Shall we go inside?” and Agnes stubs out her cigarette and nods. CUE HOT COLONIAL SEX.

Then the Japanese come and put them in camps. Most of the Japanese were played by Caucasian extras. Awkward!

At this point, I started to fast-forward. There was hardship in the camps! People called each other DARLING. The women inexplicably maintained perfectly permed hair-dos for two years. And then the war ended and Agnes and her English husband and her son went home, thereby living up to the spoiler-rich title.

I feel like a total sucker for falling for the thing where you’re all “OH, this movie is from the DAYS OF YORE, and it’s in black and white! It must be good!”

Hah! It was not.

Also, look at this dog. Apparently some tiger cubs in China were rejected by their mom, and this dog is nursing them. Which is all well and good, but doesn’t this dog look like she’s thinking WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?

tiger-dog.jpg

WHY.

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