I am not mocking her pain, okay.

July 25, 2007

I went to Wahoo’s for dinner (well, “dinner”, since I had NACHOS) and a lady said “Excuse me! That’s a very eye-catching dress!” and I said “…thanks. Um.” because my very first instinct was to go “Thank you, but I actually spilled lentil soup on this part right here– see? Yeah.”, and had to be suppressed.

Kinan calls this the Fruit Stain Effect, where someone will go, for instance, “Hey, your pilot is awesome and I would like to bring you in for a meeting and maybe give you lots of cash and a blind deal!” and you’ll go “OKAY, BUT BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO THAT, FIRST LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS FRUIT STAIN. ON MY SHIRT. FROM WHEN I WAS EATING A PLUM EARLIER. IT’S A PRETTY BIG STAIN.”

Unrelated! Earlier, I read something about how Oprah’s beloved dog died after choking on a rubber ball, and while it was very sad BUT uplifting, because of course there was a message about remembering your spirit, and while I love dogs AND Oprah…

Well, to be honest, I could not help but feel that the part where she explained that she was lounging around on her vast estate when the dedicated, full-time dogwalker and her dog security person sounded the alarm and she ran out – “Barefoot!!!!” – to see the security man performing chest compressions on the dog which, sadly, failed, and then gently placed the poor dog in a golf cart before, one assumes, driving her in a solemn cortege to the Oprah-owned dog funeral home just a few miles up the private road, SOMEHOW made it seem like Oprah’s dog-related problems, while terrible! were not quite the same as the dog-related problems of ordinary folks who don’t even HAVE a dog-security guy (WHY, one might ask, do these fools think they are even allowed a canine companion? Indeed.)


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