If you lack feelings of paranoia and doom in your life, google “earthquake + los angeles”.

August 9, 2007

Last night at about 1 AM, there was a smallish earthquake. Apparently the epicenter was in Chatsworth (per the Reuters article, “Chatsworth, the unofficial capital of the porn movie industry”, something that seems perhaps not entirely necessary to mention in an article ABOUT AN EARTHQUAKE.)

I don’t mind earthquakes too much. But it’s always so disorienting when they happen when you’re asleep! This is the sequence that happens for me:

1. Earthquake happens.
2. “What– why am I awake?”
3. “Is my bed swaying?”
4. “Yes.”
5. “Wait, wait. Did I, like, take a cruise without realizing? AM I ON A CRUISE RIGHT NOW?”
6. Crushing disappointment.
7. “Sigh. This is definitely an earthquake. Should I get up? Should I go stand in a door opening?”
8. “But then I’d have to get up. And I’m really tired.”
9. “Ugh, I should totally have an emergency kit.”
10. “But that time I looked at the Red Cross’ suggested earthquake emergency kit, it was really enormous. And depressing. And really, where am I going to keep a small tent and a water purifying system?”
11. “I think I’ll just hope for the best and go back to sleep.”

And then in the morning you’re always like HOLY SHIT, I totally lack strong survival instincts! If I were on one of those shows like Man vs. Wild or Survivorman, I’d be the person going “Guys, guys, can we slow it down? This looks like a good place for a nap. Anyone have a pillow? What about a sweater I could fold up?”

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