This website is almost unimaginably great.
February 15, 2008
If you are in a situation where a white person produces an empty bottle, watch their actions. They will first say “where’s the recycling?” If you say “we don’t recycle,” prepare for some awkwardness. They will make a move to throw the bottle away, they will hesitate, and then ultimately throw the bottle away. But after they return look in their eyes. All they can see is the bottle lasting forever in a landfill, trapping small animals. It will eat at them for days, at this point you should say “I’m just kidding, the recycling is under the sink. Can you fish out that bottle?” And they will do it 100% of the time!
The best advice is that if you plan to deal with white people on regular basis either start recycling or purchase a large blue bin so that they can believe they are recycling.
WHERE IS MY “CERTIFIED 100% ACCURATE BY A WHITE GIRL” STAMP.
However, while you’re enjoying this glorious website, I would advise avoiding the comments sections. Random cranky white people keep showing up to complain about feeling oppressed or whatever. (And kind of ruining the joke a little bit. THANKS GUYS.)
WAIT. I have to add another bit. (Has someone tracked down the author of this blog and hired them to write amazing comedies yet? Because! Excellent.)
The easiest way to find out if a comedian is approved by white people is to see if they get mentioned on music blogs or have ever given an interview where they talk about how much they love The Magnetic Fields, Of Montreal, or The Shins.