Nobody wants to marry a dullard, it seems.

March 23, 2008

1. Other people do not find Who Wants To Marry A Dullard as hilarious as Naomi and I do. Naomi theorizes that this is because she and I have a particular fear of being married to dullards, so joking about it burns off some anxiety. Which makes sense. Only I don’t understand how being married to a dullard isn’t a UNIVERSAL FEAR, like death or banging your shins on sharp-edged furniture.

2. Jane Espenson is talking about how you pitch things.

I am possibly the world’s worst ever pitcher, a powerful cautionary tale* to– to everyone else. I’ve already mentioned the time that I was telling someone about a female-wrestling comedy in the vein of Blades of Glory, only I didn’t mention that it was a comedy. And the dude was all “Oh, okay. Like Fight Club with ladies? Cool.”

NO. Not like Fight Club with ladies, good lord.

So! Apparently I make comedies sound like edgy dramas. But! Bizarrely, when I pitch things that are serious, you know- I am sort of incapable of being serious for more than four or five seconds at a time. I just can’t do it. So I’ll make it through one sentence and then not be able to handle it anymore. I’ll pitch things to a friend, just to run an idea up the flagpole, and they’ll hear my TOTALLY SERIOUS INTERNATIONAL SPY DRAMA IDEA and go “So… this is a romantic comedy?”

WHAT? No. Was it the part where I said “The spy wore flattering, hi-tech pants”? That was– that was just because I couldn’t take being serious anymore! The inner tension gets to be too much, and I snap! And throw out some weird phrase!

I must stop doing this.

3. This weekend I watched The Italian Job. It was quite good UNTIL Edward Norton is all “Blah blah, I am making fun of someone’s handlebar mustache”. And, you know, his character has totally… unique facial hair going on. LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT A VAN DYKE CAST THE FIRST STONE. That’s what I always say.

*This is one of my favorite weird phrases.

“Look out, someone dropped a jar of peanut butter in that aisle.”

“Hmmm, a powerful cautionary tale.”


I must remember not to use it while pitching.


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