April 13, 2008

It is VERY HOT in Los Angeles this weekend. Our apartment doesn’t have air-conditioning, so when it’s hot we spend a lot of time doing this:

ME
Man, it’s really hot.

ROOMMATE A
It so totally is.

[passage of time]

ROOMMATE A
You know what would be good?

ME
No, what?

ROOMMATE A
Like, some iced tea.

ME
Oooh!

ROOMMATE B
But wouldn’t you have to heat the water first?

[long pause as this is considered]

ME
You’re right, that would be awful.

ROOMMATE A
I guess we could drive somewhere and get some that someone else had already made.

ROOMMATE B
But the car seats would be really hot.

ME
That’s true.

ROOMMATE A
Yeah. I hate that.

[time passes]

ME
It’s so hot.

***

I did my taxes today. I gave the government NINETEEN DOLLARS. Someone recently told me that you can write the IRS a check for any amount you want, just to be nice. “Hi guys! Here’s a little something extra for the deficit, or a cute pair of shoes.” But I’m not sure I believe this. It seems so– haphazard! What kind of way is that to run a major government agency?

I would like it if the government thanked you for doing your taxes. Perhaps a nice note, “Thanks for helping fund our democracy, see you next year!” or a Starbucks gift card for some token amount.

***

Here is the worst idea in the world:

Dinner In The Sky.

These are the thoughts I immediately had:

1) What if you have to pee? Does the whole thing have to land?
2) What if you have a coughing fit? You can’t step away from the table.
3) What if you’re seated next to someone amazingly boring? You can’t do that “Oh! I’m just going to chat with Phil for a minute” maneuver. You’re STUCK. IN MIDAIR.
4) What if you think you’re going to be okay, but then you get up there and have a panic attack and can’t hold it together and realize that you’re way more acrophobic than you thought?
5) (Ladies and Scotsmen) What if your skirt is kind of wafty? You’d spend the whole meal trying to pin it down with one hand, and pretending to enjoy your meal through teeth GRITTED WITH SHEER TERROR.

I showed it to my roommate, and her immediate response was: “What if you drop a fork? You could kill someone!”

I think this clearly illustrates that she is a much nicer person than I am, as all of my worries involved BAD THINGS HAPPENING TO ME.

***

I am trying to decide if it’s too hot to have soup for dinner. It is, isn’t it. Sigh!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: