The world’s most awesome motivational posters.
April 24, 2008
1) There is this thing I am supposed to be writing. Instead I am deeply interested in this OTHER thing. Why does that always happen? When I was halfway through my apocalypse spec, I got very interested in writing about an UNTITLED TEEN ASSASSIN. Hmmmmmph.
2) CHECK OUT THESE DEEPLY AWESOME TERRARIUMS (terraria?): they have dinosaurs!
3) Don’t forget to go see BABY MAMA this weekend! Do you like girls? Do you like laughing? My roommate came home from a screening last night and she was STILL giggling.
Also, this is kind of a situation where you have to vote with your feet*! Are you sort of over comedy after comedy about some unfortunate-looking nerd who hooks up with an unrealistically hot lady (who, naturally, is grateful for his attentions, because have you SEEN Katie Heigl? WHAT A DOG.)? Yeah, yeah, nerds deserve hot chicks too, WE GET IT.
Anyway! If this movie bombs, a whole bunch of people will use it as an excuse to buy EVEN MORE comedies about mildly misogynistic geeks hooking up with grateful jailbaity supermodels in Tahiti, so for THE LOVE OF GOD, slap down your money and buy a damn ticket.
4) My sense of humor is sort of inappropriate, so these completely ridiculous Blackwater motivational posters strike me as super funny. If you’re the kind of person who’s very into justice and the rule of law, they will probably just depress you.
A small sampling:
“Man, remember when we had to crawl everywhere we were going?”
“Do I ever! That really sucked.”
“Yeah, and remember how lame it was when we had to wear those rags tied around our head and people made fun of us and called us John Rambo?”
“Totally. Evolution rocks.”
“So, Todd, you’re a Blackwater mercenary?”
“I prefer “soldier of fortune”.”
“Okay. So what kind of training do you do?”
“All kinds. Precision skydiving… having four parachutes at once… rappelling down pre-fab buildings… And of course there’s The Crucible.”
“Wearing sunglasses at night and thinking about how incredibly cool you must look.”
Quick! Word association. I say BLACKWATER, you say…
GLOBAL STABILITY, am I right? Of course I am. First thing that comes to mind.
Ahahahaha. BAT SIGNAL.
And now, my favorite:
YES. THAT’S RIGHT.
BLACKWATER THINKS OF ITSELF AS BEAR VS. FOREST FIRE.
*Is it “vote with your feet”? I have this problem where about a third of my brain thinks in Dutch, and I often get idioms SPECTACULARLY WRONG, only to realize that you can only say that in some other language. So it might not be “vote with your feet”. All I’m saying is, SPEND MONEY ON TINA FEY, she’s a good investment.