Jack Reacher: sartorial minimalist

May 8, 2008

This week, I saw a number of amazing things here in beautiful Los Angeles. Here they are:

1) I was driving around Beverly Hills picking up Sprinkles cupcakes (“They’re expensive, so you know they’re good!”) for work when I noticed, in my rearview mirror, a modified Lincoln towncar. Can you visualize a regular, black Lincoln towncar that, in a horrible-yet-hilarious-accident, rolled through a trough of glue and then crashed into a metallic trim factory? It looked kind of menacing. But in a really lame way. Because if you’re going for an air of slightly suppressed vehicular menace, maybe don’t start with a Lincoln towncar. If you know what I’m saying.

Other amazing things about this car included:

Silver decals reading THE CRIMSON GHOST on the sides and THE GHOST on the rear bumper. I felt like it was one of those tests where the word “yellow” is printed in blue, and it tests your reaction speed. You know?

Also, the driver honked his horn whenever he drove past ladies he found attractive. Except the horn was very quiet and subdued, a kind of self-effacing “toot!” sound.

It was BETTER than the time I saw Bishop Don Juan’s interesting car.

I have googled and googled, and there are, shockingly, no pictures of THE CRIMSON GHOST/TOWNCAR on the internet. I curse not having having yelled across traffic if I could please interview the owner about his magnificence.

2) I saw someone get a arrested! I was driving along Olympic on the way home, and suddenly I saw what I assumed to be an episode of, say, Law & Order: Little Ethiopia being filmed. It took me a moment realize that NO, this was REAL LIFE, and that’s why the (alleged) perp looked so pissed off.

3) This weekend we went to breakfast and the table next to us was filled with doctors who hated how modern health care wasn’t making them rich enough. One of the doctors said (he wasn’t being humorous), and I am not making this up or massaging it to be funnier:

“When I have to choose between an anal swab and an EKG, I’m going for the anal swab every time.”

After that, they went on to discuss at length how they could, um, defraud health insurance companies to make more money but MY MENTAL BOGGLING, it was too loud! So I missed most of it.

4) (This isn’t really an amazing thing that happened in Los Angeles, except for in the sense that I live in Los Angeles, and was amazed.)

Have you ever read any of those Jack Reacher novels? They’re about this guy (um, Jack Reacher, yes) who used to be an army MP, but then got kicked out for false reasons (or something) and now he roams America, fighting crime, being stoic, making time with the ladies… what have you.

I was reading one last week. What’s especially interesting to me is that Jack Reacher is a kind of modern-day High Plains Drifter, he’s too MANLY AND TORTURED to stick around, whatever, but he also travels light. REALLY light. He buys clothes, wears them for a few days, and throws them out. That’s it. No man bag. Not even a spare pair of socks! SPARE CLOTHES ARE FOR WEAKLINGS.

I have become kind of obsessed with this. I mean, if you were a girl living in a smallish American town, and some horrible crime transpired (to which you were possibly a witness) and a 6’5″ former soldier rolled into town, and he dazzled you with his silent beating up of people, etc… okay, okay. I can see how you’d be kind of taken in by his charm. BUT. The second and third day you run into him, don’t you notice that he’s wearing the exact same clothes? The second day, you probably just think he woke up kind of late, or forgot to do laundry. But the third, fourth, fifth days… don’t you wonder? Don’t you ever go “So, Jack Reacher, what’s up with your shirt? You always wear the same one. And you don’t seem to own any socks! What’s the deal?”


I would want to know.

5) Someone in the office I’m currently working in got very agitated on the phone and yelled “I feel like I’m being passed around like an unwanted hooker!”

Which, you know, made me laugh quite a bit.


2 Responses to “Jack Reacher: sartorial minimalist”

  1. Naomi Says:

    Wait, is that the Lee Child book I gave you? And didn’t you judge me for owning a Jack Reacher novel? Well, HAH! I TOLD you it was delicious cotton candy for the brain! And, you know, sometimes a girl needs a break from all the Dostoevsky or whatever.

    P.S. I still have your Transformers DVD.

  2. Elana Says:

    Is THAT where I stole that Jack Reacher novel? I was wondering.

    PS:that’s okay. I don’t need to review it all that often, weirdly.

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