Farmer’s Market Mania

May 22, 2008

So I like to go to this farmer’s market near my house. It’s on Thursdays. They have all kinds of interesting products! Last week I bought a cheremoya, also (according to google) known as a “custard apple”. Mark Twain APPARENTLY said that it was the finest fruit known to man. How could I resist?

It’s a very odd fruit that tastes like banana crossed with strawberry crossed with pineapple crossed with pear. Also, it has scales! So it looks like it was also crossed with a fish or a dragon or something.

(I’m just saying, my supermarket does not carry fascinating FISH FRUIT.)

I have noticed that farmer’s markets – at least this one – seem to attract Wacky People. Last week there was a very thin Englishman who kept interrogating a mostly-Spanish-speaking farmer about what kind of fertilizer he used on his fruit trees. The Englishman got QUITE ANGRY when no one could figure out what Spanish for “fertilizer” was. He kept saying “I think it’s almost the same word! FERTILIZADO or something! WHY WON’T YOU TELL ME.”

Today, at the same farmer’s market, I witnessed a man get into it with the Frenchman who runs the artisanal bread stand. Because the guy had almost knocked his head on part of the tent, and he felt that this COULD NOT PASS. He kept saying things like “Now, I would never sue, that’s not what I’m saying…”

I don’t know why this place attracts angry men. It’s odd.

After that, I went to the grocery store for a few additional things (I know, you’re fascinated by my shopping habits. JUST WAIT, this is going somewhere.) and while I was standing in line, I saw MODERN BRIDE MAGAZINE. One of the story headline things was:

WEDDING NIGHT SEX: SURPRISE HIM WITH THESE HOT NEW MOVES

???? Is this just me? I’m not married, so maybe I’m wrong about this. But I find that both HILARIOUS and WEIRD. Wouldn’t your brand-new husband be kind of freaked out if you were suddenly like “Oh, honey. Welcome to marriage! I know that today was exhausting, emotionally trying, and so expensive that we’ll be heavily in debt for the next four years, but I was thinking that perhaps you’d like to TWIRL THE LEOPARD with me. I read about it in Modern Bride. See, there’s a diagram. And I brought my own parallel bars!”

Right next to that magazine was one of the sluttier lady ones, possibly Glamour? And one of its headlines was

TOP FIVE SIGNS HE’S CAPABLE OF RAPE

!!!!!!!

Seriously? My goodness.

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