Girls! I found this website you are sure to like! (You may also like it if you’re a dude. But probably not.)
Polyvore.com: it lets you make little outfits! It’s like paper dolls, but ON THE INTERNET. Thrilling stuff.
I also discovered that on Polyvore, there are many teen girls, and many of them have joined an imaginary prep school where they pretend to be rich and shallow and critique each other’s imaginary outfits.
I find that fascinating! And terrifying. Teen girls in general, I believe, are a dominant cultural force who have been ignored for too long. Their time has come! Soon the summer movie season will no longer be about Iron Man 4 or The Hulk Gets Busy but instead about Claire’s: The Movie!!! and Gossip Girl IS Gossip Girl IN Gossip Girl: Who Is That Bitch And Why Is She Wearing My Exact Same Outfit OMGWTF.
So there’s that. The other thing I wanted to mention is that I stumbled on another website, pretty much the polar opposite of the above:
Opsgear.com. Pretty much: paper dolls for dudes who are not in the military but like to think that they would totally ROCK THE KASBAH if they were Delta operators.
They sell clothing and supplies for the faux-military lifestyle. Every item they sell is either pitched as “Gear” or “Tactical” or both. Here are some examples! (I think that today, when I was describing the glory of “Sleep Gear” and “Tactical pants” to Naomi, she thought that I was maybe exaggerating for fun, but no.)
The item: one of those Camelbak vests that stores water and has a little hose-straw thing coming off of it.
The Delta-5 Tactical Vest combines revolutionary design, fully integrated hands free hydration, rugged pouches, and ergonomic comfort for operators who work in high-speed tactical environments. The Delta-5 is fully adjustable at the chest, waist and torso for maximum comfort while wearing bulky protective vests or field gear. Designed for serious operators, the Delta-5 is made with the most durable materials available: 1000D Cordura, Tuff-Tex, YKK zippers, thick nylon webbing, tactical grade mesh, and CamelBak design features. Includes 102 oz (3.1L) OMEGA Water Beast hydration reservoir with HydroGuard and HydroLink valve adapter.
FULLY INTEGRATED HANDS-FREE HYDRATION=built-in straw
RUGGED POUCHES=has some pouches
OPERATORS WHO WORK IN HIGH-SPEED ENVIRONMENTS=dudes who like to go car camping
DESIGNED FOR SERIOUS OPERATORS=unfortunately not actually owned by them
TACTICAL GRADE MESH=meaningless
I can’t tell you how happy “tactical grade mesh” made me today. I kept repeating it to myself and giggling.
Gloriously, there’s a customer review below the item. It reads:
Compared to my other vest (made by Special Ops) it is very light, manuverable, and doesn’t put too much stress on my shoulders. The only problem is that it hardly has enough room for all of my pouches, which is not much.
HARDLY ENOUGH ROOM FOR ALL OF MY POUCHES. You guys.
You know, I think I need to make some friends who like to talk about these things. I am the only girl I know who both likes to design outfits on Polyvore AND likes to read books about Delta operators and make fun of tactical grade mesh.
PLEASE APPLY BELOW IF INTERESTED.