Are you supposed to turn in a project soon?

June 30, 2008

If so, I highly recommend a little thing I like to call “procrastination”. You might think you can’t do it, but you can! Here are some pro-tips from me, Elana, ACE PROCRASTINATOR:

1. Create playlists on IMeem. You can spend hours looking for music, checking out other peoples’ playlists, and creating semi-ironic all-Gordon-Lightfoot playlists that you delete before anyone can find them.
Time you can waste on this: at least an hour per playlist.

2. Read the hot new script that just sold for eleventy million dollars. Vacillate between “This isn’t very good” and “Maybe it IS really good, and I just can’t tell because I’m a dumbass”, then go back to “No seriously, wtf is going on here.”
Time you can waste on this: It really depends on if you can get another writer friend to complain with you or not.

3. Look up excellent dogs on petfinder.com.
Time you can waste on this: practically unlimited.

4. Get very excited about HBO’s upcoming adaptation of Generation Kill. Flip through the book again in preparation for watching. Google to find out what happened to everyone in the book. Discover blog by Marine officer featured in book. Obsess over truth in journalism for a while, but then get distracted how it is that the military is able to train people to be such extremely clear writers, and if there is maybe a course SOME OF US could take so as to be less with the rambling.
Time you can waste on this: you’ll naturally want to pull out all the other military (auto-)biographies you will be perplexed to discover you own, which will probably lead to you reorganizing your bookshelf. So you can pretty much expand this one to fill any amount of time you have available.

5. Discover with amazement that there are huge numbers of people with Harry Potter-related tattoos.
Time you can waste on this: really only about five minutes.

6. Covet this handy WTF stamp, ideal for anyone forced to work in an office and deal with your localized variant of TPS reports.
Time you can waste on this: Two minutes, unless you actually own the stamp and work in an office, then unlimited.

7. Check out all this excellent graffiti. My favorite is the BEWARE OF THE DOG, HE IS VERY SARCASTIC one.
Time you can waste on this: Five minutes to read the article, ten minutes to fantasize about a sarcastic dog who would go “Hey, is that t-shirt vintage? I thought it was. It’s really cool.” if you took him for a walk on Melrose.

Sarcasm!

And finally, an anteater:

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