Yesterday I had the BEST TIME with my friend Terrance. First, we had breakfast foods and he listened to me talk about various things I am thinking about writing. Then we decided to go to a COMIC BOOK STORE, so we ran by his wife’s office to tell her about our plan, and she made this kind of face:
Then we actually went to the comic book store. I had never been in one! Terrance said that comic book stores tend to smell like “Masturbation and shame”, which made me laugh so hard I had to put my head down on the table for a minute.
(Also, it turns out that they DO kind of smell that way.)
I was totally overwhelmed by the breadth of nerdery available to me in the store. I mean, did I want to read a comic about people assassinating superheroes? Did I want to read a comic about superheroes assassinating people? SO MANY CHOICES.
Finally we broke down and asked the Comic Book Guy what he would advise for someone who didn’t know anything. He knew EVERYTHING. I said “Well, I like things that are dark and depressing. Also, the apocalypse.” and he said “Try this WOLVERINE OMNIBUS”.
(He also suggested something where Batman turns into a vampire, but I ruined that moment by going “Hahaha. Batman turns into a VAMPIRE? HA HA HA.”)
Comic Book Guy was really knowledgeable and helpful and kind, and didn’t make fun of me when I said “So, these numbers on the covers, do they indicate the order in which you should read them?” or anything. Thanks, Comic Book Guy.
THEN we went to an area park and watched people play Frisbee. I also flipped through one of the comics Terrance bought. It’s about people who put out hits on jerky superheroes, and the Giant Studio he works at just bought the rights. I was reading the first few pages and I flipped to the next page and suddenly the top panel was people DOING IT, and I did that surprised blushing-laughing thing that I should probably get over, because I’m not TWELVE. How are people going to take me seriously in pitch meetings if I say “And then we cut to them DOING IT, ahahahahaha!” instead of a casual&totallyprofessional “Cue angry sex on her desk”? Sigh.
To close out my day of nerdery, I read the Wolverine thing Comic Book Guy sold me. It’s called WOLVERINE: WEAPON X and is all about how Some Dude got turned into Wolverine without anyone asking if he was okay with that. It’s really SAD. I kept wanting to hug Wolverine, except then I thought about how he’d probably rip you to shreds with his HAND CLAWS, so I guess really I’d look sympathetically at him from a pretty big distance and ask if he wanted some ibuprofen.
To conclude today’s all-nerd edition, please check out this excellent blog post by screenwriter Denis Faye about his time at Comic-Con:
Because I’m one of the few Americans who, for some reason, prefers to walk down steps twenty feet away rather than tromp a quarter mile for the convenience of using an escalator, I felt smug as well. “Ah,” I mused humorously, “stairs!”
It’s amazing how one word plus an interjection can come out so wrong. I meant it as a winking, “People don’t use stairs because they’re lazy — but not you and me!” Instead, it came out like this weird Spock impersonation. “Stairs? Fascinating! Tell me more about these ‘stairs.'” The guy stared at me coldly. I stammered for a second, but an explanation would only make things worse, so I turned and ran for the stairs.
Hee hee hee. EXCELLENT.