I’m not talking to you!

October 4, 2008

Earlier today I was at Target, looking for new work clothes, trying to decide if a vest made me look “menswear-inspired” or just “stupid” when I started to hear the most amazingly rageful guy bitch out the staff. Naturally, I stopped what I was doing and lurked behind a pile of sweaters to see what was going on.

Statements included:

*Who do you think you are?
*You make 8.50 an hour.
*Don’t even look at me.
*I’m not talking to you. If I was talking to you, I’d let you know.
*Get your supervisor!
*Don’t look at me. I’m not talking to you. You better not look at me.
*I’m just shopping with my daughter.
*Don’t you tell me when I’m blocking the aisle. I’ll let you know when I’m blocking the aisle.
*I’m not talking to you.

Then I realized that Angry Man was there with his toddler daughter and his wife. And then Angry Man’s Wife started to get involved! They were well-matched in terms of shouting:

*Who do you think you are?
*Don’t you look at me. You don’t know me. I’m not talking to you. You better not look over here!
*I’m just shopping with my daughter.
*You’re lazy.
*How many times do I have to tell you not to look at me! I’m not talking to you.

(It seemed like they WERE talking to the staff person in question, was the thing.)

At this point I had two warring desires:

1) To skedaddle in case things got violent and people were about to start thwacking each other with winter coats.
2) To continue to lurk and take notes, because this was dialog GOLD.

Do you ever get that? Is it just writers who do that? I do it all the time. When I worked next to Cheri Oteri (a lady executive who said THE MOST AMAZING AND INAPPROPRIATE THINGS REALLY LOUDLY, like she would recount, er, sexual adventures) I was always taking notes of what she said, because I knew that someday I would probably be able to use them. And now, if I ever need to write dialog for an enraged couple stuck in a Target, I’ll be SET.

On the way home I saw a sign advertising:

WINDSHIELD REPLACEMENT
AND REPAIR
ISNTALLATION

Do you think that was just a sign typo, or were they making a witty joke about how “repair” “isn’t installation”?

????

Listening to: Ryan Bingham – Bread and Water

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