October 19, 2008
Guys, I cannot WAIT for this election to be over. I am desperate for people to stop going “Hey! Do you want to rant with me in slightly sexually-violent language about how Sarah Palin deserves to be mauled by bears?”* or “Hey, want to hear my theory on how Barack Obama is a secret Muslim?”**
Although the latter does make me want to start a blog called BARACK OBAMA, SECRET MUSLIM.
BARACK OBAMA, SECRET MUSLIM
Another day on the campaign trail. It’s pretty hard to campaign during Ramadan. People are all “Hey, Barack, good morning! Want some BACON?” and then you have to not let on that you can’t eat until after sundown. Or that swine are unclean. Or that you’re plotting to destroy this country in the name of Allah.
It’s a good thing I have my secret Muslim faith to sustain me or this would be a real drag. BRB, gotta go oppress Michelle and the girls.
In light of my dislike of EVERYONE and ALL POLITICAL BELIEFS, I continue to work on my own political party. So far I’m calling it LIBERSOCIALISM. We’re going to be all about things like “Being grouchy” and “Living in remote shacks” and “Telling whiny people to suck it” but we’re also going to have a Scandinavian-style health care system and be really into recycling. And dogs. FREE DOGS FOR EVERYONE.