Don Draper’s guide to the ladies.

October 27, 2008

I feel that “Let’s get me out of this skirt” was the best part of that.

Also! It makes me think of how sometimes young men are all “Girls like guys who are assholes!!!! THAT IS UNFAIR AND ALSO THE ROOT CAUSE OF WHY I AM NOT GETTING ANY!”

Girls don’t like guys who are assholes (unless their dad was mean to them. If their dad was mean to them, you are ON YOUR OWN.), girls like DON DRAPER, because he’s masculine and slightly scary. In France, people say things like VIVE LA DIFFERENCE about this issue. In the US, because the sexual revolution confused all of us very deeply, we say things like GIRLS LIKE ASSHOLES and then we obsess over Mad Men.

PS, did you see the season finale? This is the most amazing TV show. It’s like… TV by professionals, for grownups, and it tends to make everything else look like TV as made by the yearbook committee.

I LOVE YOU MATTHEW WEINER. YOU ARE A GENIUS.

***

This morning I went in to the kitchen to make coffee, and as I’m standing there waiting for the first pot to finish brewing so I can make the second pot, an executive walks in and says good morning and sighs happily at the sight of fresh coffee. And then he reaches for the pot and pulls it out from under the stream of still-brewing coffee, which sputters madly on the hot plate thing. And for a long moment, as I stared at a mess I would have to clean up, I didn’t realize that he just hadn’t noticed that the coffee wasn’t done brewing. I thought he just had an EXTREME case of Executive Entitlement. SAD.

I am kind of SURLY today. Here are some things I am kind of surly about:

*[writing “career” panic and feelings of inadequacy go here]

*BALLOT INITIATIVES. They piss me off. Here I am, FUNDING MY STATE LEGISLATORS with my tax dollars, and you want me to do your job? I have a ballot initiative for next time. I’m going to call it THE INITIATIVE WHEREIN I INVITE YOU TO COME TO MY PLACE OF WORK AND DO MY JOB FOR ME BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO MAKE ANY DECISIONS ON MY OWN BUT YOU ARE STILL GOING TO HAVE TO PAY ME, SUCKERS.

*Yesterday I was having coffee in Silverlake and this painfully hip guy with a beard sat down nearby. I happen to like beards and find them handsome and it is really irritating to me that hipsters have co-opted them as some kind of IRONIC STATEMENT. If you are wearing giant 80s sunglasses and a terrible 80s suit you got at some extremely overpriced vintage shop and you couldn’t build a deck if someone held a gun to your head, you shouldn’t have a beard. It’s false advertising!

*If I had a dog, I would probably torture him by forcing him to wear one of these costumes for Halloween. I am favoring Dog Elvis and Dog Getting Eaten By A Crocodile. But… I DON’T HAVE A DOG.

(Yes, I DO have a case of the Mondays, thank you for asking.)

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