I’m in ur airport, stealin’ ur WiFi

October 30, 2008

Remember that one White Whine where the girl is all “Ugh! The free wireless in this airport VIP lounge is sooooo slow!”


I’m lurking in the Portland International Airport, waiting for my mom to arrive from overseas so we can go hang out with our relatives. The wireless I’m stealing is quite slow, but not so slow as to prevent me from telling you that I just got off a flight where I sat behind a mom with a kindergartner and a toddler. The toddler had a hard flight – he was sleepy, and the airplane was one of those tubes so claustrophobic that it just seems UNLIKELY that even an agency as disorganized as the FAA would go “Yes! This is totally safe and fine.”

When he wasn’t crying, the little guy roamed the aisles, checking us out. He kept coming back to me, where I would say the kinds of stupid things you say to little kids like “Hey! What have you got there? Wow, a box of raisins! That’s amazing.”

And THEN he looked up at me very intently and SMILED beatifically and reached up one chubby baby hand and PALMED MY BOOB. And he’d wander away and come back and DO IT AGAIN, looking very serious and pleased.

The poor businessman-looking-guy sitting next to me reading one of those books that’s like JACK DONAGHY’S GUIDE TO BUSINESS was sort of freaked out by the boob-palming, but got very “!!!!!WHAT THE EFF.” when the handsy toddler climbed into my lap and kept trying to lift up my shirt.

There’s a very limited window of time when that’s cute behavior: when you’re 14 months old, it’s hilarious and charming. Pretty much any other time, NOT SO MUCH.


2 Responses to “I’m in ur airport, stealin’ ur WiFi”

  1. anonymousassistant Says:

    He had raisins?!

  2. chaia Says:

    Apparently the 14-month-old had read JACK DONAGHY’S GUIDE TO BUSINESS as well.

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