I have a sticker to prove that I’m better than you.

November 4, 2008

Naomi’s recounting of our ROCK SHOW EXPERIENCE is much funnier than mine:

And, oh– THE DANCING. White guys dancing to rock music. Not the Overbite. With rock music you get more of a drunken squat thrust type of move.

My dear friend Julie picked me up at the airport last night. On the way home there were people standing on a corner, waving signs reading [something] ON 8.

Julie honked supportively.

And then realized that these people were all waving YES ON 8 signs. And then she had a hilarious panic attack that went like OH GOD NO! WAIT! I DIDN’T MEAN THAT! I DIDN’T READ YOUR SIGNS RIGHT! SHIT SHIT SHIT. NOW EVERYONE DRIVING AROUND US THINKS I HATE GAY FAMILIES WHICH I TOTALLY DO NOT.

I’m so excited that this election is almost over! People keep inviting me to victory parades, but I’m not really a victory parade kind of person, even if I happen to basically agree with the political perspectives of the person throwing the victory parade. It’s because I’m CONTRARY. HERE’S THE KIND OF TERRIBLE, CONTRARY PERSON I AM: this morning I was standing in line to vote, and the line wrapped around the block. And someone was electioneering for [topic], and I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF and I said that I thought that he was really pushing the limits of what constituted a neutral polling place, free of electioneering, and he said that he was further than 100 feet from the polls, and I said that perhaps if someone standing in line to vote had still not made up his or her mind on an issue– and then the electioneer and I glared at each other and he thought I was a terrible person and I thought he was a moron, EVEN THOUGH WE WERE BOTH GOING TO VOTE THE SAME WAY ON THE SAME ISSUE.

Once inside, I witnessed an amazing fight between what I gathered was a scam artist and his mark, who had not really expected to run into each other at their polling place. The scam artist kept grumbling and being all “No, YOU shut up!” and the victim kept going “I let you into my HOME! You could have treated us with respect, BUT YOU DIDN’T! I AM GOING TO SUE YOU.”

Ah… lawsuits, last refuge of the wimpy urban male. In eras past, men getting into it in a polling place might have gone “YOU WANT TO GO? Because I’ll go right now!” and then threatened to take it outside. Now, it’s all empty lawsuit threats, all the time.

Isn’t it funny how much we like the “I VOTED” sticker we get when we turn in our ballot? I feel like those 10-cent sheets of stickers are a really terrific investment. It’s like you feel like you got PAID for voting.

Paid in smugness. “Yes… that’s right, I DID INDEED VOTE! All you losery stickerless types can SUCK IT.”


2 Responses to “I have a sticker to prove that I’m better than you.”

  1. Janiece Says:

    Darn straight. I loves me some “I voted” stickers.

  2. anonymousassistant Says:

    “I Donated Blood” stickers are much better. And good all year round, too!

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