Nobody ever tries to bribe me. Sigh.

December 10, 2008

There is a lull in my writing life over the holidays, so my goal is to write a draft of this sci-fi pilot thingamabob. I’m excited about it!

First, DARK AND VIOLENT.

Second, I expect absolutely nothing to happen with it, so the pressure is totally off.

Third, it’s for TV, so I get to write about a GIRL.

Fourth, I haven’t actually started to write it yet, so I’m still in that glorious “OH MAN! THIS IS GOING TO WRITE ITSELF!” phase.

(Of course, in a week or two I will report back with much wailing about how haaaaaaard it is and how much I haaaaaaate it, etc etc etc.)

Recently I turned in the final draft of my current project, and in the process of saving it and making sure it didn’t have any super weird spelling issues, I ran the wordcount thing. It was just under 24k words. Which is… almost unbelievable to me. (Not literally unbelievable, as I’ve written scripts before, and that does tend to be the ballpark.) But almost-unbelievable in the sense that it took so long and so much of my mental energy and required so much work, and there was so much whining and bitterness and conviction that I was just a TOTALLY LOUSY WRITER…

And then finally, there you are, 23 thousand words and change.

That’s IT? That’s not even a NOVELLA. That’s more like a really long short story! Good lord.

Here are two news stories that are making me raise an eyebrow:

TBS is rushing the “Frat House.”

The cable network has ordered a presentation for a tentatively titled half-hour late-night project from Bunim-Murray that is in the vein of the 2003 Will Ferrell comedy “Old School.”

The project follows three comedian-hosts — Bret Ernst (Showtime’s “Weeds”), Theo Von (ABC Family’s “America’s Prom Queen”) and Bert Kreischer (Comedy Central’s “Reality Bites Back”) — as they lead a band of guys, each at a crossroads, who long for the simpler, raucous days of life in a frat house.

Okay. That’s not “in the vein” of Old School. That IS Old School. ARE YOU NOT NOTICING THIS, TBS? That’s like going “We have this amazing new comedy planned for fall, it’s about these two guys who crash wedding receptions to pick up chicks, it’s in the vein of Wedding Crashers, you may have heard of it.”

Second, the Governor of Illinois. (That link only for my EUROPEAN READERS, hi mom. Everyone who lives in the States has either heard of this or fell asleep in a box or something.) That guy! He’s corrupt in the most comic-book possible way. Like, man, YOU ARE EMBARRASSING. You were going to auction off Obama’s vacated Senate seat?

?!?!?!?!!?

I think his problem is that he was overreaching the commonly-accepted bounds of corruption. Accepting golf vacations from lobbyists: fine. You spearhead investigations into prostitution rings and then turn out to be kind of into prostitution rings: sigh. Actually discussing trying to get the president-elect to bribe you while knowing that you are already under investigation for corruption: THE LINE. YOU HAVE CROSSED IT.

The prosecutor guy in this case is clearly super-awesome. He’s married to like a Head Start teacher! I imagine them at home, her worrying about her students, him going “Honey! Listen to this scathing memo I’m composing! I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN, BLAGO.”

His blog is also sort of hilarious (…in a lawyerly way) – the tagline is Think Globally Prosecute Locally, which is funny and also makes me feel mildly scared of him, like maybe he’s going to call me up and go “HEY! REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU LOOKED IN YOUR PURSE AND DISCOVERED THAT YOU WERE CARRYING AROUND SEVEN PENS YOU HAD ACCIDENTALLY BROUGHT HOME FROM WORK?!? HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF DECENCY?”

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2 Responses to “Nobody ever tries to bribe me. Sigh.”

  1. Janiece Says:

    I love Patrick Fitzgerald. I have wonk-nerd-love for him.

    I’m such a geek…

  2. Chris Kttinger Says:

    I say that they get Harvey Dent, he is pretty tough on criminals.

    And innocents for that matter.


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