I really mention hipsters a lot in this post. Hmmmm.

January 24, 2009

OH INTERNET! I have so much to tell you.

Unfortunately, most of it is quite dull. I shall reduce it to bullet points for you:

*I flew up to Portland to help my BFF/Heterosexual Life Partner move back to LA. (She was gone for a year, but I wore her down through dint of a steady barrage of comments like “Wow, Portland is cold and rainy? How awful. LA is 72 and sunny.” and “I JUST SAW RYAN GOSLING AND HE ASKED IF YOU WERE SINGLE. Too bad you’re geographically undesirable right now.”)

*I flew to Portland on Jet Blue out of the Long Beach airport. I recommend everything I just mentioned. Long Beach is far away, but the airport is startlingly… not busy. And the security lines are non-existent. And because the architecture is “modern”, you pretty much feel like you’re on Mad Men.

*Portland was excellent! Cold, crisp weather! Many sturdy dogs! My relatives, who are outstanding and hilarious (my uncle Dean just started a blog and named it DEAN’S RHETORICAL FLOURISH) and who took me for noodles! Thumbs up, Portland.

*Portland has a lot of men in flannel and knit hats and beards, which is a look I find very fetching. In LA, a man who looks like that is probably a hipster who pays 3000/month for a “loft” downtown, which is DISAPPOINTING. (Lofts in LA are almost never cheap converted industrial space populated by poor, edgy artists, but instead converted insurance offices or more often just apartments built to order. And are expensive. And populated by… the kind of person who wants to say “I live in a loft, man” without actually having to live in a loft. )

So in Portland you see guys like that and think things like “Oh man! That guy could totally be a carpenter!” but unfortunately Portland is like 98% hipster, so most of those men are actually art school graduates who are really into organic haircare products. BUT STILL. There’s that brief moment where they COULD BE LUMBERJACKS. YOU DON’T KNOW.

*I often have fantasies about running away to become a vagabond, living in a Winnebago, traveling from town to town… ETC. But this roadtrip from Portland down to LA was so much with the sore butts and the dull landscapes and the listening to the same 6 CDs over and over because we’d packed the other ones that I am reconsidering my plan! (And mind you, this was a trip I spent with Naomi and her dog Buddy, two of my favorite… people (dogs) in the world. So I may simply not be cut out for life on the road.)

*When we got to LA, we tried to get off the 5 and onto the 10 to get to my house, took a wrong turn, and got lost in the wilds of downtown LA. If you’ve never been in the sketchier parts of downtown LA late at night, you know… it’s sort of like “Pinata superstore!” “Homeless camp!” “Pack of wild canines!” and it’s relatively easy to get lost. So we had a moment of “OH GOD!” but then we saw a white man in tight pants and I said “TURN RIGHT HERE!” and sure enough the trail led us right into a hipster corridor that took us into Koreatown and then home. PHEW.

*The next day we struck out on errands, and wound up walking past TOAST, which is a restaurant that has perfectly fine breakfast food but is also (I assume because it has outdoor seating on a busy street so people can admire you) a kind of douchebag depot. It’s all “Guys with jeans with pocket flaps” and “Bored-looking girls with Chihuahuas draped across their forearms” and “Four girls waiting for a table, all wearing maxidresses with lots of cleavage on display and all on the phone talking loudly about what a long wait there is today, my God, it’s almost not worth it”.

Normally, you get so used to LA’s high dbag quotient that you don’t really notice it, sort of like the smog. But after being in PacNo, it’s REALLY noticeable. (Also sort of like the smog.)

*I saw JCVD, a Belgian movie (yes, there are subtitles. DEAL WITH IT.) about Jean-Claude Van Damme getting mixed up in a post office robbery. I cannot describe to you how much I loved it. Although I was totally embarrassed that there were various action-movie shoutouts where the only people laughing would be all the male action nerds AND ME. Sigh.

You should totally see this movie! It was really entertaining and Van Damme’s performance is excellent (and really sort of… courageous, I think?) and if you’re an action movie fan you will love it.

*Last night my young man took me to see Chandni Chowk to China, a Bollywood kung fu movie. We normally do not really bicker about things, but post-film, our conversation was like this:

YOUNG MAN
What did you think?

ELANA

YOUNG MAN
I really liked it.

ELANA
IMPOSSIBLE.

YOUNG MAN
Are you serious?

ELANA
Are you serious? HOW COULD YOU HAVE LIKED IT? What about the part with the animated potato? COME ON.

YOUNG MAN
It was committed to its own over the topness.

ELANA
What about the part where the training montage happened two hours into the movie!!!!

YOUNG MAN
I can’t believe you didn’t like it.

ELANA
Nobody could like it.

YOUNG MAN
The couple behind us liked it.

ELANA
Oh, the hipsters who said “That movie was an amalgamation of all glorious films since the beginning of time, except for the SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION”?

YOUNG MAN
Exactly.

ELANA
But they’re hipsters! Hipsters are all about pretending to really love things they don’t actually like.

YOUNG MAN
No, they really liked it. Because it was awesome.

ELANA

YOUNG MAN

So if we split up it probably won’t be for fancy dramatic things like “He left me for a French stewardess” but because we argue about foreign films a lot. AWKWARD.

*I had a pitch meeting and afterward the intern who’d been sitting in came up to me and said “I loved your energy!” and I didn’t know what to say, so I inexplicably blurted out “I AM ACTUALLY JUST AN ASSISTANT.” and then that kind of just hung there as the intern felt embarrassed for me until the girl came back with my parking validation.

*Today Naomi and I were at a bookstore and this woman had two little armdogs with her and the dogs were horribly behaved– kept running away to bark at some poor guy, snarling at a passing toddler, etc. The woman would get flustered and then offer nonsensical excuses for the dogs’ behavior: “I’m so sorry! They thought your child was another dog!” as though that somehow excused the fact that HER DOGS WERE DICKS. AND SHE COULDN’T CONTROL THEM. Someday, when I have a dog, I promise to a) not bring my dog into bookstores with me and b) to take action if it is being a jerk.

Finally, a pleasing link:

Make your own vanilla extract. Presumably less fun and adorable but still possible if you don’t have a four-year-old helper handy.

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3 Responses to “I really mention hipsters a lot in this post. Hmmmm.”


  1. Thanks for the link! 🙂 Your Uncle Dean sounds like a funny guy.

  2. Seth Says:

    It sounds like your young man has really excellent taste. He’s probably even a Doctor Who fan….

  3. chaia Says:

    The Silverlake dog park is divided into the big dog section and the little dog section. Sometimes people bring their little dogs into the big dog section and they all romp around together and it is so cute, etc.

    [pause to appreciate cuteness]

    One lady had brought in her two little dogs and this other lady’s big dog snapped at them – at which point Big Dog Lady told Little Dog Lady, “You should bring your little dogs into the little dog section or my dog will snap at them.” I glared at her like HOW ABOUT YOU DON’T BRING YOUR ASSHOLE OF A SNAPPER INTO THE DOG PARK AT ALL and unfortunately Little Dog Lady was all meek, “Oh. Okay.” [hunches shoulders] This was two years ago and I am still pissed off!


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