Best names of the year

March 17, 2009

I was going to complain about the bailout, but then I realized that I was starting to sound like the kind of grouchy person who corners you at cocktail parties to complain about antibiotic-resistant staph infections or whatever. SO, instead, MOVIES:

I finally saw CHOCOLATE, a Thai movie about an autistic girl who goes on a murderous martial-arts rampage to get back money owed to her sick mother.

The martial arts were super fantastic. The living room echoed with sounds of fighting and then me and my friends going “OH MAN THAT MUST HURT SO BAD”.

The plot kind of needed some work, like there was this part where the bad guy appeared to shoot himself in the foot, seemingly JUST TO MAKE A POINT ABOUT HOW ANNOYED HE WAS.

?!?!? I don’t know.

BUT, if you would like to see a movie where a tiny Thai girl beats people up in ice warehouses… butcher shops… Japanese restaurants… while dangling off of cheap hotels… THIS IS THE MOVIE FOR YOU.

I also saw DEAD OR ALIVE. Based on the videogame. The Young Man was all “This is actually kind of a fun movie!” and I said “Really?” in a slightly skeptical tone, and he looked thoughtful and said “Okay, yes, BUT, you have to take into account that I saw it with a bunch of men while fighting global terrorism, and it stars hot chicks beating up other hot chicks. So… our standards for outstanding entertainment were specific and low.”

“Hmmm,” I said.

BUT, it was actually quite fun. Eric Roberts was the supreme evil, and he had amazing hair.

BEHOLD:

BEHOLD THE HAIR

***

Finally, I would like to invite you all to vote in the most important election of the year:

The 2009 Name Of The Year… election… thing.

Basically, these folks collect names, glorious glorious names of real people. And then once a year they put them all on a ballot. Like… you know how sports teams play in brackets and then only one will advance from that bracket? It’s like that. (If I knew about sports I would know what this is called. I’M SORRY.)

Get your ballot here.

The first round is taking place RIGHT NOW.

Later you will need to choose between such wonderful names as NEMESIS VEGA and CRYSTAL METHENY (so tough. I don’t know. NEMESIS VEGA might have to be my winner.), but for right now, it’s between:

TACO VANDERVELDE or JONNY KOOL

And LARRY KOLDSWEAT and LARRY WARMFLASH

I am seriously torn. If only the Larry’s weren’t in the same bracket. ONLY ONE CAN ADVANCE.

As a person with a somewhat odd name myself, I find this pretty splendid. I think it’s kind of awesome when people have interesting names. Like once I met this guy whose name was JOHNNY DURANGO, and– you know, don’t you just have an entire mental picture RIGHT AWAY? (Your mental picture is probably wrong. He was not actually a cattle rustler turned town marshall.)

Anyway, names! Excellent.

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