I’m going to live in an RV

June 3, 2009

…so I can cart all my belongings around with me forever and ever and never have to move again.

OR I’m going to force THE HUSBAND OF THE PRESENT* to rejoin the military, where they send basically the Delta Force of movers over to your house to swarm all over it like a bunch of locusts (except they pack things instead of eating them.) and then they also unpack it at the other end. GLORIOUS. In fact this is such a great perk that I don’t understand why recruiting commercials don’t feature it heavily.

“STRONG. ARMY STRONG. ALSO WE’LL MOVE YOUR SHIT.”

“WE’LL MOVE YOU AND BUY YOU A PAIR OF PANTS WITH YOUR NAME ON THE BUTT. THE UNITED STATES NAVY: WHY THE HELL NOT?”

Etc.

I just moved (you know… so I could live in the same apartment as my HUSBAND OF THE PRESENT) and it was the worst. THE WORST. I won’t even detail how awful, because you’ve moved a few times in your life. YOU KNOW IT SUCKS.

To illustrate how terrible it was, here is a video of two camels in a small car. They are making angry noises. CAMELS ARE AWESOMELY GROUCHY:

Man… that makes me laugh. Can you imagine the process of cramming two cranky camels into a passenger car? THAT IS ONE BRAVE OR EXTREMELY FOOLHARDY BEDOUIN.

Anyway, moving. TERRIBLE.

*…we successfully got ourselves married off. I find it sort of awesome when people say “Congratulations!” as though it was some kind of tremendous feat like winning the California lottery or defeating polio.

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7 Responses to “I’m going to live in an RV”

  1. Seth Says:

    It’s quite a perk, although sometime you get to the other end and realize they’ve packed up, like, gas station receipts from two years ago, or your plastic bag full of other plastic bags. They do not sort, nor do they particularly encourage YOU to sort.

    But glorious, nonetheless!

  2. Cher Says:

    Yes, having moved long distances with one of
    the world’s great packrats I think the Delta Force would be terrific.
    Then I could tell him that some of his priceless antique junque got lost and he could blame them.

    As for the camels, Elana, I have known yours to sound like that.
    ducking and running

  3. Dean Says:

    Having moved 18 times including 3 trans-Pacific moves I concur with the agony of the transition. Best advise next time; get rid of your shit. You will always accumulate new shit!

    BTW – At least in my browser I see no video of two camels in car. Perhaps code is corrupt or perhaps camels ate the video…

  4. Chris Kittinger Says:

    Congratulations on curing California Polio. What? Oh, my bad…

  5. Em Says:

    Congratulations!! 🙂

  6. Amy Says:

    it works less good if the Delta Force of movers gets stoned on their lunch break. And frequently the Delta Force of warehouse storage workers decides you actually have some pretty decent stuff, and nobody in the warehouse is looking…. And then the Delta Force of claims adjusters “adjust” your claim by simply dividing all the numbers by 2.

  7. Alison Says:

    Congratulations on the most perfect analogy of 2009. Your comparison of Delta Force Army movers to locusts far outshines your ability to marry.


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