This is a video of a Navy SEAL racing a chimpanzee
August 11, 2009
I was fretting about something earlier, and in an effort to cheer me up the Guy I Am Married To sent me a youtube video. It is a video of a Navy SEAL competing against a chimpanzee on an obstacle course.
There are multiple bizarre things going on here.
(1) SEAL vs. chimp.
(2) The chimp is basically a baby. I don’t know if this is a fair fight.
(3) Does the chimp even realize he’s in a competition?
(4) How did they train the chimp to run the obstacle course?
(5) Why did the SEAL agree to do this? Is he all “HAHA, you guys, I got drunk one night and bet I could beat a monkey… fuck, I guess I have to go through with it.” OR does he seriously think this is a tremendous test of his manhood?
(6) Where do you find a chimp to race against? On one of my tracking boards, someone was once desperately searching for a badger for a movie, because LA’s only professional badger actor was asleep for the winter. I feel like this is basically the same thing. “Hello? Yeah, uh, we’d like to rent a chimp for a day or two? Well… it’s… a contest. Yeah.”
(7) At the end, the chimp strikes a hilarious pose! And the commentator seriously says “That is the look of a competitor.”
(8) The SEAL wins (SPOILER) and the host is all “What was going through your mind as you were competing?” and the SEAL is all “Just keeping focused, keeping my mind on what’s in front of me.”
Instead of the more obvious and truthful
“HOLY SHIT I AM RACING A CHIMP I DIDN’T GO TO BUDS FOR THIS YOU GUYS.”
(9) Finally, it turns out that the SEAL later joined Blackwater (now known as Xe) and went to Iraq and was killed while working for them. Which, depending on how you feel about death and Iraq and private military companies is going to strike you as varying degrees of sad.
But it leads to YOUTUBE COMMENT WARFARE between the totally serious people who are all “This man served his country and died a hero, look at him beating the pants off that monkey, he’s a true patriot!” and the people who say things like “I don’t know, that chimp doesn’t really have his gave face on, can we really say that this was a fair fight? A CHIMP COULD RIP YOUR ARM OUT OF ITS SOCKET AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT IF HE WANTED. I AM JUST SAYING.”