THIS IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS BLOG POST EVER. It makes me sound like a total crank. I know. Just… I have to get it out of my system. Look the other way, fight with your relatives about health care, whatever. I’ll just be over here COMPLAINING ABOUT THE NCIS FRANCHISE.

IRRATIONAL IRRITATION PART THE FIRST

NCIS: ORIGINAL FLAVOR is just fine, if you like that sort of thing. It’s a procedural, everybody likes Mark Harmon, etc. But why is one of their detectives an Israeli national and a former Mossad agent? AND WHY DOES EVERYONE ACT LIKE THIS IS TOTALLY OKAY?

Come on, you guys. This is a country where we have to take off our shoes before they let us on planes. I just cannot suspend enough disbelief to accept that government agencies who investigate crimes on nuclear submarines would let Mossad agents/Israeli nationals join their teams of suspiciously good-looking detectives.

Why isn’t everyone they run into constantly like

GUEST STAR OF THE WEEK
(sotto voce, to Mark Harmon)
Um. Is that girl…?

MARK HARMON
Tough and hot?

GUEST STAR OF THE WEEK
Actually, I meant… her accent.

MARK HARMON
Yeah, she’s Israeli. PRETTY HOT, EH?

GUEST STAR OF THE WEEK
What?!?

MARK HARMON
And a Mossad operative. SO TOTALLY HOT.

GUEST STAR OF THE WEEK
(throwing his coat over the Secret Military Equipment)
What the fuck is wrong with you!!!

IRRATIONAL IRRITATION PART THE SECOND

Have you seen NCIS: LOS ANGELES?

IT ANNOYS ME SO MUCH. But not because of anything about the writing or acting (I have seen a combined total of 27 minutes and several billboards). It’s about the name. THE NAME.

If, as the internet informs me*, the Naval Criminal Investigative Service investigates crimes related to the Navy and Marine Corps, why would it have a big office in Los Angeles? IT WOULDN’T. It would be NCIS: San Diego or maybe NCIS: Pendleton. LA doesn’t have any military stuff (I guess you could have like NCIS: NAVAL AIR STATION POINT MUGU, but that would be one guy and a fax machine, max.)

Honestly! If you were going to investigate vaguely military crimes in LA, you’d always be investigating, I don’t know, the crime-of-passion murder of a military adviser/Navy veteran who was doing some work on a movie called JOHN CENA IS JOHN CENA IN THE MARINE: THE RECKONING.

And my other big nerdy problem with this show is related to TRAFFIC.

When LL Cool J flexes his muscles aggressively and is all “Don’t call it a comeback! I mean– I’ll be right there.” to the witness telling him about forgery in the Marine Corps, the drive to Pendleton appears to take him about 30 minutes.

HA HA HA.

Google Maps says: Driving directions to Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton
78.4 mi – about 1 hour 25 mins (up to 2 hours 40 mins in traffic)

Like I said… these complaints make me sound like a total crank. I know.

IN OTHER NEWS

Here is a thing I just found on Wikipedia. I was looking up a list of kennings for a thing I am trying to write. And this one is amazing:

Primary Meaning: sword
Kenning: onion of war
Explanation: or leek of war

(Lol.)

Also, and this makes me sound like a crank again, I lost my phone on a plane recently. And I actually have a new phone (thank you, uncle Dean), I just have to go to the store and get it turned on. So. Basically I don’t have a phone. And people keep sending me these sad emails that are like “Did you get a new number and not tell me about it?” and then I have to explain that I lost my phone but refused to buy a new one, because of how I KNEW FOR A FACT that the airline had it, and then it became a battle of wills that they didn’t know they were involved in.

Do you ever get things like that? This is such a lame part of my personality. My brain gets all “SPARTAAAAAAA!” except it’s about things like this.

Sigh.

*And the internet is never wrong.