(as gleaned from a single reading of the Wikipedia article on him)

1) He enjoyed “playing” “single stick”: a “game” where you BEAT EACH OTHER WITH CUDGELS.

2) While campaigning in 1912, there was an attempt on Roosevelt’s life: a bullet went through the FIFTY PAGES of his speech and lodged in his chest. As he wasn’t coughing blood, Roosevelt decided that the bullet hadn’t actually gone into his lungs, so he declined to go to the hospital and instead went on to speak

FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF

(DUDE HAD JUST BEEN SHOT. DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT.)

3) He was NYPD Police Commissioner before he was President. He would walk cop beats late at night and early in the morning to make sure they weren’t holed up snacking on donuts. Also, he formed a crack bicycle squad/rapid response cop team.

4) Roosevelt disliked the nickname “Teddy” and preferred to be called “The Colonel”.

5) His first wife died after giving birth to their daughter. Roosevelt X’d out the day in his diary and wrote: “The light has gone out of my life.” and then never spoke of it again.

6) He is the only president to receive the Medal of Honor.

7) While on an expedition in South America, he contracted malaria and became super sick and couldn’t talk, except for endlessly repeating the first line of Kubla Khan: “In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree…

8.) He created most of our national parks! Without Teddy Roosevelt America would basically be one giant strip mall.

9) He coined the phrase “square deal”.

10) When he died in his sleep of a heart attack, then-Vice President Thomas Marshall said that: “Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight.”

Damn straight! Roosevelt would have beaten the crap out of Death WITH A CUDGEL.

So there you go – awesome facts about our 26th president.

Theodore Roosevelt, as painted by John Singer Sargent (1903)

Ahh – have you seen TubeDubber? It lets you combine audio from one Youtube clip with video from another. I am of course way too lazy to do that myself, but NOT too lazy to look at other peoples’ creations, such as:

Maru the box-loving cat plus M83 – epic! Touching! Sci-fi at its best! You will probably say “Oh my God, it’s full of stars!” at some point.

Boston Dynamic’s Big Dog robot plus Royskopp – freaky AND jolly!

(Sidebar: I love watching videos of Boston Dynamic’s robots. LOVE IT. In my next lifetime I would like to be some kind of DARPA developer.)

Finally, this one, where a Snuggie commercial is overlaid with the Trick Daddy song Take It To The House is STRANGELY COMPELLING. I DARE YOU TO WATCH IT.

Mildly fabulous in 2010

August 10, 2010

I have been holding off on saying anything, because, WHAT IF THEY TAKE IT AWAY, but I’ve actually been doing it for a week or so and they moved furniture into my office and gave me a printer, so I now feel semi-secure in saying:

I got a job – I am a writer-in-residence at Studio X. AKA a professional screenwriter.

AKA I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A COUCH INSTEAD OF FINDING ONE IN AN ALLEY SOMEWHERE!!!!

!!!! YOU GUYS, DREAM JOB+NON-ALLEY FURNITURE!

I am pretty excited. I basically feel like I won the lottery. (Which I kind of did, frankly. I will not rain on this post’s parade by being all WAAAAHHHH IT IS HARD OUT THERE FOR A BABY WRITER, but… you know.)

It turns out that this glorious turn of events doesn’t change anything (well, the non-money parts) about being a writer. I was trying to roughly outline something just now and I kept going

OH GOD

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS

HAVE I EVER EVEN SEEN A MOVIE??????

And I was talking to writers here who are QUITE fabulous, like GENUINELY so, and even they were all “Oh man, every time I go to write something I forget how to TYPE.” – so I guess it never gets better, you just get nicer couches to sit on while you’re panicking.

(Which, don’t get me wrong, is no small improvement if you’ve been sitting on a really uncomfortable futon… for instance.)

So anyway! There’s my good news.

Also, check this out: CARROT BACON.