Awesome Teddy Roosevelt FACTS

August 30, 2010

(as gleaned from a single reading of the Wikipedia article on him)

1) He enjoyed “playing” “single stick”: a “game” where you BEAT EACH OTHER WITH CUDGELS.

2) While campaigning in 1912, there was an attempt on Roosevelt’s life: a bullet went through the FIFTY PAGES of his speech and lodged in his chest. As he wasn’t coughing blood, Roosevelt decided that the bullet hadn’t actually gone into his lungs, so he declined to go to the hospital and instead went on to speak

FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF

(DUDE HAD JUST BEEN SHOT. DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT.)

3) He was NYPD Police Commissioner before he was President. He would walk cop beats late at night and early in the morning to make sure they weren’t holed up snacking on donuts. Also, he formed a crack bicycle squad/rapid response cop team.

4) Roosevelt disliked the nickname “Teddy” and preferred to be called “The Colonel”.

5) His first wife died after giving birth to their daughter. Roosevelt X’d out the day in his diary and wrote: “The light has gone out of my life.” and then never spoke of it again.

6) He is the only president to receive the Medal of Honor.

7) While on an expedition in South America, he contracted malaria and became super sick and couldn’t talk, except for endlessly repeating the first line of Kubla Khan: “In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree…

8.) He created most of our national parks! Without Teddy Roosevelt America would basically be one giant strip mall.

9) He coined the phrase “square deal”.

10) When he died in his sleep of a heart attack, then-Vice President Thomas Marshall said that: “Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight.”

Damn straight! Roosevelt would have beaten the crap out of Death WITH A CUDGEL.

So there you go – awesome facts about our 26th president.

Theodore Roosevelt, as painted by John Singer Sargent (1903)

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2 Responses to “Awesome Teddy Roosevelt FACTS”

  1. Nathan Says:

    Teddy was really big on making sure no liquor was sold between midnight Saturday night and midnight Sunday. Meanwhile, there used to be a tunnel leading directly between the old Police Headquarters and a bar across the street on Grand Street. (There’s a small remnant of the tunnel still there at Oneal’s Grand Street Saloon!)

    😀

  2. Average White Ben Says:

    You left out first white man to shoot a panda. This is of course from Wikipedia, so make of that what you will.


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